The Acorn and the Oak Tree

“The mystery of ‘Die before you die’ is this: The gifts come after the ‘dying’ and not before.” 

—   Jalaluddin Rumi, Sufi poet

Ah, the tyranny of the ego — driving us to always be in control, look our best, say the right thing, fit in, and be “successful” according to societal norms.

Psychologists, as well as ancient spiritual traditions, tell us that our ego creates this shined-up outer “shell” of ourselves as a kind of protective mask, a false self we project so we can be seen in the way we want others to see us.

Of course when we are young, this outer shell/false self can in some ways work to our benefit, helping us to navigate (and sometimes to survive) the uncharted waters of childhood and adolescence. 

But over time, if we continue living through this false self, and remain overly focused on appeasing others’ fears and expectations in our adulthood, we become disconnected from ourselves, from our own giftedness, and from what brings real meaning and purpose in our lives.

In her book  The Wisdom Way of Knowing,  author Cynthia Bourgeault shares a classic parable to illustrate the necessary transition from false self to an authentic, true self in order to live into who we are called to be —

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom of acorns nestled at the foot of a grand old oak tree. The acorn citizens of this little kingdom went about their daily business with purposeful energy — oiling and polishing their outer shells, improving their longevity and general well-being.

One day there appeared a knotty little stranger, apparently having been dropped “out of the blue” by a passing bird. He was cap-less and dirty, making an immediate negative impression on his fellow acorns. 

One day, he stammered out a wild tale, pointing upward at the magnificent oak tree, saying, “We … are … THAT!”

The other acorns were incredulous, disbelieving, but one of them asked the stranger, “So tell us, how would we become that tree?”  “Well,” said he, pointing downward, “it has something to do with going into the dark earth and cracking open our shells.” 

Bourgeault says, “Just as with the acorn, coiled within each one of us is a vastly more majestic destiny, and a true self who lives it. But this oak tree of ourselves can come into being only if it lets go of its acorn.”  (1)

If we are to live an authentic life, we must “crack open our shells” and “let die” our pretensions, our defenses, and the hidden agendas of our false self. 

Poets and philosophers call this transformation “dying before you die.”

Nature models this transformation for us — the acorn cracks open to become an oak tree. The grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies in order to produce much fruit. The cocoon needs to be split in order for the butterfly to emerge. The candle’s flaming wick melts the wax so that light and heat happen.

 “The thrust of the ‘dying before you die’ teaching is this …” says John Shea, author of  Spiritual Wisdom of the Gospels. “When our scheming and conniving self falls away, what will emerge is the deeper self, who in its very being is receiving love from God and passing it on to others.”

Have you “come out of your shell” yet?!

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(1) Cynthia Bourgeault, Wisdom Way of Knowing.